"The quality of a relationship is measured by how well it
meets the needs of all those involved." I'm not who first said this, but it describes in the simplest terms the basis for any relationship. It should serve the needs of all those involved.
If your relationship is headed for the rocks, before you throw yourself into a rescue attempt, you need to ask yourself a number of questions. You have to know that any salvage efforts make sense.
One of the first questions should be, "Why do I want to
be in this relationship?" Your answer could require a lot of soul-searching. Is the relationship purely physical or have you connected on a number of fronts?
Is there the promise of a deeper or permanent relationship if you patch things up? If you both have the same depth of feelings for the other, there may be a long-term partnership or marriage in the future.
Another question that should come to mind is, "Do I
really like (as opposed to love and lust after) and
respect my partner?"
When the passion fades a bit, you have to be connected to someone you like and respect for the relationship to develop any real permanence.
"What do I want out of this relationship and what does
my partner want?" If you both want and expect similar things, then the foundation of a good relationship is solid. If you both have different expectations, you are building on sand, not concrete.
When you write the specifications for the perfect mate,
"How closely does your partner meet your specifications?" Are you settling for less than you really want? The second half of the question is, "How closely do you match your
Because there are other people in your life who are important, "What does your family think about your
partner?" Do your parents like and respect your choice of a companion? What about your siblings and your close friends?
Sometimes people outside the relationship can see more clearly than those involved. Surely you have observed how your closest friends and family have reacted to your partner. You should consider the opinions of those
who matter the most to you.
"Why is your relationship rocky?" Is it from the actions of either one of you? Did either one of you "cheat" or do something against the wishes of the other party? If one or the other of you has committed unpardonable
acts, the memories of these could haunt any future together.
Suppose you had a limited magical talent. "What one
thing would you change about your partner?" The second
part of this question is, "Why would you make that change?
Would you love your partner more? Would your relationship
serve you better?"
In order to salvage your relationship, you both have to want that equally. The effort cannot be on just the part of one of you; it must be a joint effort. All matches are not "made in heaven," so unless you both are
willing to work at it, you may be doomed to failure.
A relationship is much more than the initial attraction (usually physical) and the love that develops. It is about connecting on many levels - intellectually, morally, spiritually and sharing common goals.
If your relationship can stand the test of these questions, then maybe it will stand the test of time. You may be able to look back many years from now and think,
"We made it work, and it is good" not "What if?"
I hope that this newsletter is of some help to you.
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Until next time,