When you need to get the people in your life to do something, do you find that you sound more like a drill sergeant than a partner in a relationship, a parent or a friend? Is this a common occurrence? If so, it might
be time to ask yourself if you are in a nagging rut.
Nagging is a very common problem in relationships that can lead to some serious friction for both the nagger and the "nagee."
When nagging becomes a repetitive problem, it means your requests aren't being fulfilled. It can also mean that the object of your nagging feels overwhelmed, isn't processing what you're requesting or simply isn't
taking you seriously any longer.
So, how can you tell if you're in a nagging rut? Here are a few warning signs that will help you answer the question, "Are you in a nagging rut?":
Making the same request repetitively.
Do you have to ask your partner, child or friend to do something over and over? If you sound like a broken record, you may have a problem with nagging.
Never getting a positive response.
Even with repetitive requests, do you fail to get them to respond? You may be hounding them so much that they no longer hear the request.
It could also be that the approach isn't quite hitting home with them or they may not understand your urgency.
Feeling like you're invisible.
Do you feel like no one listens to you? Are you frustrated? Can't figure out how to fix the issue?
If these things are common in your life, you may have an issue that needs tackling. Are you in a nagging rut? If so, you can try these things to bail out:
Try phrasing your requests differently.
Give your partner a list of things you need done rather than asking one at a time before work in the morning or before bed in the evening. Better yet, create a to-do list for everyone in the household.
Some people simply remember requests better in the written form and are inclined to "cross them off" by getting them done.
Make sure to cross off your "to do's," as well. This will show others in your life how much you actually do on their behalf.
Explain your needs and frustrations.
Ask nicely for a task to get tackled and explain why it's important to you. Honey catches more flies, as they say. This can work with partners, friends and children.
If you find yourself nagging about the same thing over and over, ask your "nagee" nicely why the issue hasn't been resolved. Communicate and talk it out. Stay calm and ask for help resolving the problem.
Give some time to respond.
If you answered yes to "Are you in a nagging rut?", it could be that you don't allow enough time for a job to be completed before you ask again. This can lead to that "rut," or a viscious cycle where you ask, they
fail to respond, you ask again and they get annoyed.
Set time limits.
Rather than say, "Honey, take out the trash," try "Honey, would you please take out the trash before dinner?"
Analyze requests before making them.
If you answered yes to "Are you in a nagging rut?", you may have yourself in a cycle where you nag about everything. Avoid this by sticking to issues that are important when making requests.
If you are constantly nagging about toothpaste tops not being on or toilet seats left in the wrong position, devise a workaround if nothing else produces results.
Buy toothpaste that stands up and doesn't necessarily require a cap. Designate "his" and "hers" bathrooms in the house if you have two.
Are you in a nagging rut?
You can get yourself out of it by coming up with better ways to open the lines of communication.
This is a little off topic, but if your marriage is really starting to reach the breaking point, I highly recommend that you watch this short but clarifying video that tells you how you can save your marriage even
if it feels like you are the only one who wants to.
I hope you enjoyed this newsletter.
Until next time,