4 Annoying Relationship Tips For Successful Women
~ a guide to the weaker sex for strong independent women ~
How to keep your man: look like a Barbie doll, paste on a smile and prioritize his every need.
You don’t agree with any of that.
And neither do I. However, I’ve also run across some women who have not allowed myself to be who I am; a man who is trying his best to be a great partner while remaining a man.
That’s why I want to share my experiences with you. I want to help you understand what guys like me mean when we make mistakes that trigger red flags for you. I’m asking you to give us a chance, because we’re still the good guys.
1. Please Don’t Judge Us for Getting Turned On By How You Look
We’re not objectifying you; we just truly love to look at you.
Yes, society has objectified women for most of history. It’s despicable, and good men (the type you want to be with) will refuse to reduce your worth to a piece of meat. We absolutely are interested in you because of who you are — brains, talents, interests, opinions and compatible lifestyle. We love you as a complete person.
But it’s important to recognize the fact (and it is a fact) that men and women’s brains are wired differently. And a part of that difference is that we are visually stimulated. We can’t help it. We simply can’t keep our eyes off you.
The Science of Attraction
The authors of Billion Wicked Thoughts (Amazon), show that men’s arousal pattern is inextricably linked to visual cues. Within seconds of viewing an erotic image, men become turned-on both physically and psychologically. There's a complicated explanation about men having more brain connections to the sub-cortical reward system than women.
In other words, whether we want to get turned on by visual stimuli or not, it happens. This is how we're built.
Embrace Your Sex Appeal
What does that mean for you? It means we want you to dress in a flattering manner, invest time in grooming and self-care (healthy diet and exercise), and let us see your amazing body once in a while.
Please do not misinterpret this as me saying you have to wear bling and slutty dresses. However, I am asking you to embrace your sexuality, which includes looking sexy in whatever way makes you feel confident and attractive. It also means he probably wants to catch a glimpse of your gorgeous body as you slip into the shower, or wants to have at least some low lighting on when you make love.
Again, we want this not because we want to objectify you, but because this is what turns us on. Let your man appreciate your beauty and sexuality without judging him.
2. Help Us Feel Secure if You Make More Money than We Do
I know it’s 2017. I know that with all the inequity in the world, we should be delighted that you make more money than us, and on one level we do. However, on a primal, deeper level, many of us feel threatened if you are the main breadwinner in the household.
This is especially true if you make all the money and we make none.
Societal Pressure Gets Us Down
The thing is, we probably were initially attracted to you because you are such a strong, powerful woman — and we still love that about you. However, society slams us for making less money than you (or for being completely dependent on you), even if you don’t think less of us.
Understand that Inequality Puts Us at Higher Vulnerability for Infidelity
A recent study published in the American Sociological Review determined that men who are completely economically dependent on their partners were at risk for infidelity. A woman who is 100 percent financially dependent on her partner has about a five percent chance she will cheat. For men the risk is three times greater.
Why this vulnerability? Because many men who feel the need to prove their masculinity, and who can't do this by providing for you, will be more susceptible to admiration from another woman. (See also Why Do Men Cheat On Good Women?)
What Do We Need from You?
To quote Arethra: we need R-E-S-P-E-C-T. It’s essential that you show us an extra measure of admiration and basic respect if you are bringing home the bacon and we’re the ones frying it up in the pan. We need to know that you value our contributions and you don’t think less of us just because you’re the one with the bigger paycheck.
Shaunti Feldhahn, author of For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men (Amazon), reports that men would rather feel unloved than disrespected. That may come as a surprise to you, but respect really does matter that much to us.
How Can You Show Respect?
A lot of women don’t realize that they treat their man in a way he considers disrespectful. The following are instances in which I’ve felt disrespected by women in past relationships, or ways I see other women (mis)treat their men:
- While at your sister’s house, you confide in her that your man made a terrible investment mistake that cost you $5,000 last year. You joke that you’d be driving a Mercedes Benz instead of your Toyota if your man just handled the finances better. When he shoots you a look that clearly says he doesn’t appreciate this, you just talk louder about it, saying maybe he’ll learn his lesson this year.
- You’re driving to a restaurant and your man takes the scenic route. Instead of tolerating the extra three minutes on the road, you snipe, “Why didn’t you take the faster route?” When he defends his choice, you argue with him that he obviously thinks nothing of wasting your time.
- Your man is struggling to figure out how to fix something. You sigh, nudge him out of the way and fix it yourself. When done, you make a snide comment about how easy that was. That may get laughs on a sit-com, but it can result in a break up in real life.
If you show your man respect, he’ll be a loyal partner to the end. He may even cook you an out-of-this-world gourmet dinner complete with homemade crème brule to celebrate your next promotion. Bring on the champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries!