He certainly seems interested, but declares he’s unavailable because he’s seeing someone or not ready for a relationship. So it goes without saying that it can’t work, right?
But he pursues you, and you hang out for months, although the relationship seems to be heading nowhere.
Sounds familiar? Chances are he’s stringing you along, a situation most women can relate to, unfortunately.
But the question is, why? Why do guys string you along? Read on to learn the answer.
1. He Wants Something Casual
The most common reason guys string women along is that they’re not ready to commit to you or the relationship for one reason or another, according to Dr. Ish Major, a psychiatrist, dating expert, and author of “Little White Whys” (Amazon)
When guys are in college, for instance, they want to date around and have fun. Some may be ready to move forward with relationships, but the majority aren’t prepared for commitment. They’d like to play the field longer and figure out what they want.
When you’re in a relationship with such a guy, they want to be involved with you but only in a limited capacity, not fully. They’re also likely seeing other people, too. Most guys in college steer clear of anything even remotely resembling a committed relationship. They hold the opinion that there’s plenty of time for that later in life, so why rush it.
2. You’re His Rebound
Another common reason a guy will string you along is that you’re his rebound.
Sometimes a guy feels being involved with someone will help him move on from a broken relationship. Such a boyfriend is using you to get over someone else. Here are some scenarios you might recognise:
You’re His Fallback
Some guys have a “fallback girl” they go to when they get rejected or dumped. This fallback girl offers reassurance and a distraction until they’re ready to move on, and they leave just as fast as they came running to you.
Some guys can’t stand to be alone. Being alone terrifies them. So they’ll be with you not because they’re genuinely interested but because you’re better than nothing.
He Needs a Shoulder to Cry On
Notice I said “a” not “your” shoulder. He needs A shoulder to cry on, and it doesn’t have to be yours.
Such a guy will keep coming back to you for attention whenever his other relationships fail. And, sadly, most women misread this as love, but it’s not. You are nowhere near his main priority.
So the question is, do you want to be the girl he comes running to every time his relationship breaks, only to leave you as soon as he finds someone else?
It Just Happened
Sometimes it’s not his intention to string you along. He may genuinely think he’s ready for a relationship only to realize that you’re not what he wants, simply because you’re his rebound.
Whatever the case and whether he realizes it or not, you’re nothing more than his rebound girl.
3. He’s Not Sure You’re the One
You may check most of the boxes a guy deems necessary, and he may see the possibility of a future with you but is still not sure.
So what does he do? He opts to keep you around until he’s sure about you. Meanwhile, he continues to search for the girl of his dreams.
In effect, he’s keeping his options open.
4. He Likes The Control and Safety
Most people like to be in control, and a guy who strings you along may be intoxicated with the power he has over you and the safety you provide.
What safety, you may wonder? Well, whatever it is you give him, such as:
It’s a one-sided relationship, and he gets to be selfish while all you do is give. But how does he get to be so successful at this?
He creates the illusion that one day, if you do everything right, this nightmare will blossom into a beautiful relationship. However, the truth you need to understand is that if ever there was a chance of that happening, he would never have strung you along in the first place.
It’s mean, somewhat evil, and you may wonder how such a person sleeps at night and what to do.
The fact is, most guys who use this strategy convince themselves into believing that they have good intentions. They reason that when you get fed up and demand more, he owes you nothing, and it’s your problem for reading too much into the relationship.
5. He Wants the Benefits of Being With You
This guy wants the benefits of hanging out with you, whatever that entails — entertainment, sex, or money.
He knows you’re vulnerable, and he’s a user. And if you don’t distance yourself from him and keep availing yourself, it makes it easy for him to use you.
This guy will phone you when he’s bored or when his girl is unavailable. To him, you’re a pastime. It’s the reason you often don’t hear from him for days, and he’s clearly not putting in much effort.
6. He Thinks or Knows You’ll Settle For the Consolation Prize
He thinks or knows you’ll sit around for the consolation prize of whatever little he has left to offer you after he’s been with his other girls.
This guy woos you and gets you interested only to reveal he’s married with a family, has a girlfriend, or is not interested in a relationship. But then he pursues you relentlessly like he never uttered such words.
Trust me; this guy’s not confused; far from it. He knows that when a woman wants a man, she typically wants him so bad and will do whatever it takes, including settling for what little you can offer her. What’s more, she’ll hang in there waiting for the opportunity to get closer.
Some women believe that being number two or three is better than being out of the picture. They think that if they move on and the guy changes his mind, then they’ll have lost out.
Again, he understands this too and takes full advantage. He’ll keep stringing along women, playing the game, for as long as he possibly can.
What you should know is if he changes his mind, you’ll be the first to know. You don’t need to hang around waiting for that day to come.
7. He Doesn’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
It’s not easy for a guy to let a girl know that he’s not that into her or that it’s not working for him, and he’d like to end things because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s a challenging situation for both you and him.
Therefore, to spare your feelings or avoid your rage, or through fear, he’d rather keep quiet about it and hope you’ll realize that things aren’t working. He wants you to be the one to question and then end the relationship.
The two most common reasons a guy would feel afraid to hurt you are:
You Were Friends
You start as friends or friends with benefits arrangement, and then the relationship quickly takes a turn into something else. You begin to fall for him, but he doesn’t feel the same.
He can tell that you’re falling in love with him, but he can’t bring himself to say to you that the feeling’s not mutual.
He Feels Sorry for You
A guy may know something about your past that makes him reluctant to want to hurt your feelings. He thinks stringing you along is better than letting you down, maybe because:
He Knows You’ve Been Hurt Before
He knows somebody hurt you, and you probably have not fully recovered from it, and so why add to the pain.
He knows You’ve Undergone a Traumatic Experience
Whatever it is you went through that caused you trauma, he knows about it. Maybe you lost your parents, a pet, a child, a job, anything. It devastated you, and he thinks stringing you on is better than breaking up with you.
Yes, of course such an approach is a poor solution whatever his intentions, but nobody wants to be the bad guy. We know we should do something about it but lack the willpower or insight, and tend to think it’s better to string you along and wait it out.
8. He’s Playing With Your Psychology
Yes, a man can play with your psychology.
You see, believe it or not, the minute a guy rejects you, you begin to question yourself. Then your first instinct is to go out of your way to get close to him to prove a point.
Such a guy makes you believe that he’s honest and keeping it real.
Few women know this, if any, but I’ll let you in on a secret; this perceived honesty is a highly effective way of winning over a woman. That’s because women fall prey to this perceived honesty they’re offered, failing to realize that it’s just a strategy.
He’s not telling you that he’s had it with women or that he has a girlfriend so that you can move on. He’s saying that so that you’ll attach yourself to him with no expectations on his conduct, so now he can act as he pleases. For example, some signs are:
In a sense, he’s saying you knew what you were getting into, and if the result is a broken heart it’s not his fault!
Common Behavior Pattern of a Guy Stringing You Along
|He’s Genuinely Interested||He’s Stringing You Along|
|He shows up when you make plans||Your never sure he’ll show up|
|He’s consistent in calling and meeting up||He disappears for weeks|
|His conversations are engaging||He prefers single-word sentence texts|
|He likes to see you in person||He likes to text|
It hurts like hell to realize that the person you’re with is not interested in you but is with you for other reasons. However, now you’re more empowered, and you understand why guys string you along. I hope this information stirs you to take action. One option is to end things with him and move on. But there are other approaches you might not have thought of.
My free ebook is full of specific actions you can take if you find yourself in this position … check it out today.
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