10 Ways To Make A Man Respect You

How to get a man to respect you

Written by David Darling

You can't. Not make him respect you.

You need to be worthy of respect, and he needs to be a man capable of giving respect.

It starts with respecting yourself. Of course you already know this; plenty of people and blogs repeat the mantra. But most of them imply that you first need to like yourself, to have conquered all your own demons, and be bubbling over with confidence. I don't think this impossible standard is required, so take heart!

Respecting yourself is more about the outside than the inside, more about how you act than what you're thinking and feeling. It means working out your personal standards and boundaries, and doing your best to live up to them every day. So long as you are walking the walk, it matters not that you are carrying more baggage than Paris Hilton on a world cruise. In time, behaving as your very best self would behave will lead to genuinely respecting and liking yourself.

So, having done the hard work and looked deep inside...

Train him

It's not that men don't want to treat women with respect, it's more that some don't know how to do it! There are clubs and construction sites full of younger guys who've never had an emotionally-mature male role model. They've learned from street culture and abusive relationships.

So don't immediately assume he's deliberately dissing you. Consider actually teaching him how to respect you, how to live up to the same standards that you now expect from yourself.

Perhaps it's important to you that he doesn't keep you waiting when you meet for a date. The first time he turns up late, calmly explain how you feel. Use words of one syllable, don't judge him, and don't attack his character. The next time, wait 20 minutes, and if you haven't heard from him, go home or go on without him. When he phones, remain friendly but be clear that you won't be treated in this way.

If he still doesn't get it and his tardiness becomes a pattern, consider whether the relationship is one you want to pursue. (And pursue is the right word; you've given him the upper hand and he'll always be out of reach.)

Enforce boundaries, gently and lovingly, but consistently. Just like training your puppy.

Train your man to respect you.

Give him space

Once we're over the early infatuated phase of the relationship all men crave time to do our own stuff. This is not a sign that he's losing interest. It will become a problem only if you make it one, by not accepting this normal male behavior.

When men are asked what most infuriates them about women, then words like "needy" and "clingy" soon appear. Don't be this nightmare woman.

When women withdraw, often it is a sign she has some doubts and negative emotions. When men do the same, it is more likely a simple desire for some time to reconnect with himself. Surprise him by being the mate who understands this.

Keep your own life

This is a double-whammy in your favor. It makes it easier for you to do the wise thing and give him the room he needs, plus it increases your appeal in his eyes.

The trick is to make him understand that you want him around, but you don't need him to complete you. Try these suggestions on WikiHow.

Respect him

Yes, the Golden Rule applies here too.

Even if you understand the mantra "Men Need Respect", you may not realize how to show respect in a way men value. See my article on understanding men in relationships, or try this video: Discover What Men Secretly Want, But They Could Never Tell You.

Challenge him

Sometimes. Do it too often and too aggressively, and you'll just seem like hard work. The spirit is more to bring something new to the relationship, to complement. He'll respect expertise or a skill that he doesn't have. This is especially true if you're dating a nerdy guy.

Communicate well

Because the relationship needs at least one clear communicator, and the chances are it won't be him (not at first). Don't drop vague hints about your needs - tell him straight out. He'll appreciate knowing exactly how to make you happy, rather than using his under-developed intuition to guess what you're feeling.

Be honest

About everything, to everyone, in every aspect of your life. The cashier gives you change for 20 instead of 5; you gleefully pocket it. You downplay your role in a stuff-up at work, letting someone else take the blame. Small things, but he'll notice, and he'll wonder whether you might one day lie to him.

Respect requires trust, trust requires honesty. There's just no way around this one.

Positive grateful attitude.

He knows how difficult it can be to stay upbeat and positive, and likely he struggles himself. Over the years I've watched my wife pick herself up after setbacks, and start each day with a smile. She refuses to play the victim, even during those inevitable periods we all encounter when the whole world seems to be conspiring against us. My admiration and respect grow and grow.

Stay feminine

Some women try to gain respect by competing with men in a masculine style. This may be necessary in the arena of work, but not with your guy. I respect my main man's talent for chugging 10 beers then mooning the nightclub bouncers. But funnily enough I wouldn't be half as impressed by my wife doing the same. Double standards maybe, but most men feel the same way.

Soft, nurturing and sexy is what we need - don't be one of the boys.

If you want to understand your man, grab my free ebook Why Men Lose Interest.

Also in Intimate Relationships: